Reflections on Recovery - Part 2

Hope 

 

I came to believe that

the Power of God can restore me to complete spiritual health.

                        

 

    The second step is to hope that God can restore me to sanity.  King Lamoni’s father in the Book of Mormon said:

    O God, [someone] hath told me that there is a God; and if there is a God, and if thou art God, wilt thou make thyself known unto me, and I will give away all my sins to know thee (Alma 22: 18)

    This Lamanite king had hope.  His prayer was answered.  His hope gave way to faith and then to knowledge, and his life was changed forever.

    The Savior is compassionate.  He wants to bless our lives.  He may not give us what we want, but he always gives us what we need. Like Lamoni's father, we need to have hope that grows into faith in Christ.  Then we can, with confidence, ask for His grace.  The Apostle Paul wrote of grace:

    Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need. (Hebrews 4:16)

    A month or two ago, I taught a Relief Society lesson on the topic of confidence in our ability to ask for God's help and receive it.  When any of us has fallen away from God's light, we don't have any confidence that He will forgive us and bless our lives.  We have somehow convinced ourselves that He is too disappointed in or angry with us to want to help. We don't feel as if we deserve His love and forgiveness.  We run away from the very Person who can heal us.  If you ever feel that the atonement is for everyone else, but not for you, remember this: the Holy Ghost is not the one telling you this!  None of us can do anything to deserve His love.  That is why it is a gift of Grace - He loves us unconditionally.

    I wrote this in my 12-step journal:

    I love this scripture! (Hebrews 4:16)  How confident am I to boldly come to Christ's throne of grace? In my younger adult years I didn't feel confident to do so.  I am a recovering perfectionist and, as such, spent many years feeling that Christ's admonition to be therefore perfect meant to be totally without flaw.  Since that is not humanly possible, I always felt less than worthy.  Perfectionist, by definition, lie to themselves and others to create a façade of perfection where it doesn't exist.  It is an exhausting life to live.  I was one of those who thought the atonement was for everyone else but not for me.  The turning point for me was the day I finally realized that God knows everything I think, say, and do anyway.  Who am I trying to kid by trying to hide my imperfections from Him?

    Today, I am much more confident to lay claim on the atonement and to approach Him with the deepest desires of my heart.  The closer I live to the Spirit, the more faithful I am in keeping the commandments, the more confidence I feel.

    Grace is always available.  It is we who create the distance, not God. Narrow the distance through Hope in Christ's compassion and forgiveness. God can do (and has done) more with my life than I can.