Emotional Bank Accounts

Talking about attending to your child and his/her world yesterday reminded me of another colleague of mine, Fred Jones.  Dr. Jones is a clinical psychologist who has spent the last 20+ years helping teachers teach and discipline in positive and effective ways.  On the subject of being involved with one's child, he always stated that it's not a question of parents spending time and attention on their children: it's just a question of when and in what circumstance. You can spend the time up front in listening, reading to, playing with, and demonstrating your love and affection when the child is young or you can spend it in the principal's office, detention center, or treatment program when he/she reaches adolescence.

Dr. Steven R. Covey talked about each of us having an emotional bank account.  According to both Covey and Jones, parents need to begin making deposits into their children's emotional bank accounts from the beginning.  Each little hug, each kind word, each moment of listening and encouragement adds to the child's emotional wealth.

By the same token, every unkind word or behavior withdraws from that account.  Experts have said that it takes ten positive deposits to compensate for one negative withdrawal.  If, as a parent, you have allowed your child to become emotionally in the red, don't be surprised if you see an acting-out child or one who has given up completely.  I have know many people who's accounts are in the red and I'll bet you have, too.  They are truly empty human beings.

Parents also need to make deposits into their own emotional banks.  For me, that happens through daily prayer and meditation; reading the scriptures and uplifting literature; taking care in what I choose to see at the movies or on DVD at home; sharing sweet moments with friends and family; creative activities from blogging to my new quilt; serving others.  I am able to lend emotional strength to others because I keep my own account full.

The best way to fill your emotional well is through the constant companionship of the Holy Spirit.  I talked on Sunday about the Spirit as Testifier and Revelator.  He is also the Comforter and will make deposits into your account so that you can reach out and serve others.  Yesterday I quoted a favorite scripture on the best way to disciple and discipline your child.  Here are the next verses of that passage that will help you keep your own accounts full and ready to use.  I will close with them today:

• Let thy bowels also be full of charity towards all men, and to the household of faith, and let virtue garnish thy thoughts unceasingly; then shall thy confidence wax strong in the presence of God; and the doctrine . . . shall distill upon thy soul as the dews from heaven.
• The Holy Ghost shall be thy constant companion, and thy scepter an unchanging scepter of righteousness and truth; . . . and without compulsory means it shall flow unto thee forever and ever. (Doctrine and Covenants 121: 45-46)

Text copyright Gebara Education January 2013