Step 10 ~ Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.

I spent the weekend with my brother and sister-in-law.  We had a wonderful visit.  One morning, I woke up early.  The sun was just coming up and the house had that early dawn light.  As I walked back to my bedroom from the kitchen, I didn't notice a broom that had fallen from the side of the washing machine and wedged itself inside the laundry room door.  When I went to walk through, I caught my foot on the broom and fell.  I rolled into the room with a series of crashes, hitting legs, arms, feet, and hands.  I couldn't get up. 
 
My brother had gone to the store and my sister-in-law was still upstairs. I seriously thought about sitting there until one of them came and I prayed to know what to do.  The thought came to me that if I would scoot on my bottom to the guest room next door, I could pull myself up by holding on to the bed.  I do so and was soon on my feel again.  I still have the bruises to show that I fell, but I did not stay down there.  I got back up with God's help.

 

In the same way, I fall short of the glory of God on a regular basis. I live in a fallen world and have human weaknesses as a result. But when I fall, I don't have to stay down.  With prayer and inspiration, I can get up again - even when I am hurting.

 

Step ten is the beginning of a life-long journey of maintenance, to use a medical term.  In the beginning, it may feel a little awkward, but as we grow spiritually, it becomes almost automatic.  When we fall, we know it.  We feel the pain instantly, even if it is a short fall with slight pain.  We have learned in the our walk with Jesus that He is always at the window and, more importantly, that He loves us.  His atonement is infinite.  It is, to use the vernacular, a done deal.  It makes no sense to try to hide our fall from Him.  It is as obvious as a big woman splayed out on the laundry room floor! We quickly repent and He lifts us up.

 

Step ten is also a good time to revisit that two-column list we began in step four.  As we look back at our lists prayerfully, we will notice that some memories still trigger negative emotions.  But most of them will have begun to fade.  We remember the events, but without any pain.  In my own life, I know that I have fully repented and can forgive myself.  I can remember the harvest, but have let go of the sin.  On our list, we can remove the pain but keep the lesson.

 

In summary, I'd like to share the story of an ancient prophet who is teaching his son about his experiences with sin.  The prophet, when he was a young man, had rebelled against God in an egregious manner.  His father was a prophet and his behavior was so wicked that people were using him as an excuse for their own sins - sort of like the preacher's kid being the worst kid in the congregation. 

 

The young man, whose name was Alma, had an experience similar to Paul's on the road to Damascus.  His encounter with an angel brought him to the ground and he was comatose for three days.  But although he could neither see nor respond, his mind was harrowed up by his sins.  For those of us who are not farmers, I've included a picture of a harrow, which is drug over the ground to dig and tear the soil deeply so that a new seed can be planted.  When Alma used the words harrowed up he paints a compelling picture of his experience with the pain that precedes repentance.  Let's listen to his story in his own words:

 

But I was racked with eternal torment, for my soul was harrowed up to the greatest degree and racked with all my sins.  Yea, I did remember all my sins and iniquities, for which I was tormented with the pains of hell; yea, I saw that I had rebelled against my God, and that I had not kept his holy commandments. Yea, . . . and in fine so great had been my iniquities, that the very thought of coming into the presence of my God did rack my soul with inexpressible horror.  Oh, thought I, that I could be banished and become extinct both soul and body, that I might not be brought to stand in the presence of my God, to be judged of my deeds.   And now, for three days and for three nights was I racked, even with the pains of a damned soul. 

 

And it came to pass that as I was thus racked with torment, while I was harrowed up by the memory of my many sins, behold, I remembered also to have heard my father prophesy unto the people concerning the coming of one Jesus Christ, . . . Son of God, to atone for the sins of the world.  Now, as my mind caught hold upon this thought, I cried within my heart: O Jesus, thou Son of God, have mercy on me, who am in the gall of bitterness, and am encircled about by the everlasting chains of death.  And now, behold, when I thought this, I could remember my pains no more; yea, I was harrowed up by the memory of my sins no more. 

 

And oh, what joy, and what marvelous light I did behold; yea my soul was filled with joy as exceeding as was my pain! Yea, I say unto you, my son, that there could be nothing so exquisite and so bitter as were my pains. Yea, and again I say unto you, my son, that on the other hand, there can be nothing so exquisite and sweet as was my joy. .  .  .  But behold, my limbs did receive their strength again, and I stood upon my feet, and did manifest unto the people that I had been born of God.  (Alma 36: 12-21, 23)

 

I can say little to expand on Alma's incredible description of his repentance process.  In step ten, we are now here as well, born again through the mercy and grace of Jesus Christ.  The harrowing pain is behind us, the joy is around us, and Jesus is beside us as we walk forward with Him into our new life.

 

Text © 2012 Gebara Education

 

Poster of Jesus downloaded from Facebook

Picture of drag harrow from www.tractorbynet.com

Picture of Alma with the angel from www.lds.org