Step 8 ~ Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and become willing to make amends to them all.

Addiction is a selfish condition.  While healthy people can focus on people and things outside themselves, the addict's only focus is on his/her need for the thing to which s/he is addicted.  In a nuclear family, the addict focuses on the substance or behavior to which s/he is addicted: the co-dependent parent focuses on the addict: the children focus on the co-dependent parent and everyone does the dance of life alone. 

The feelings present in an addict's family are primarily negative: anger, fear, betrayal, depression, shame, guilt, and hopelessness, to name a few.  In that atmosphere people get hurt.  The addict in his/her addiction may or may not be conscious of the people s/he has hurt.  But as s/he enters recovery and takes an honest look at his/her life up to that point, s/he begins to see how his/her behavior has hurt others, usually the ones s/he loves the most.

As we took step 4, we made a searching and fearless inventory of our lives, making a written list of the things in our lives that were not right.  We took that list to the Lord and humbly asked that He help us remove those shortcomings and forgive our sins.  In step 8, we look at that list and notice every time we hurt someone else.  We make a written list of those we have hurt and take full responsibility for our actions: "This is who I hurt.  This is how I  hurt them.  This is what I  chose to do."  No more passing the buck.  No more excuses.  No more lies.

Addictions shatter relationships. Step 8 is the first step in rebuilding them. 

Text © 2012 Gebara Education

Poster of the Dalai Lama downloaded from Facebook