Never Give Out While There is Hope

Never give out while there is hope.  William Penn

 

This marks the end of the biography of Carmon, A Pig in the Kitchen.  As a post script, I thought you might like hearing what our children said about their father as a fitting close to this month-long tribute.  Here are some excerpts from some emails that were exchanged this week:

~ ~ ~

Tuesday marks 30 year since Dad died.  Over the years, August 28th sometimes passed without conscious notice; this year is a little different for me.   Perhaps it is because I am getting ready to turn 50, or maybe it's because I was with Em's dad when he passed.  Whatever the case, it has made me look at how life takes its toll on all of us.

I have spent some time just looking back on how Dad has influenced all of us.  He taught me how to work and taught me a trade.  When I left the corporate world 12 years ago, I began, with the help of my wife, what has become a successful floor covering business. Who would have thought it all began when I was 10 years old in 1973 making 50 cents an hour picking up carpet scraps for Dad. 

I look at all my sibs - old memories and pictures.  Although we don't talk every often and see each other even less, I want you to know I am proud of all of you.  I know Dad is, too.  Each and every one of you has taken what life has dealt you and you never gave up.  Sess going to a new job in a new state, never backing down with all the uncertainty and changes that involved.  Tee, who got the first deer of the year with Dad in Peterson's sporting good store contest when she was 11.  Now a career woman, she works hard to support her family and has done a damn good job of it.  Tunk had divine intervention.  He was just a little boy when Dad died and now he is a father of 4 with a son in college and a fantastic business of his own.

So please join me in a family toast to Dad on Tuesday at 9:00 p.m. Eastern time.  Pour yourself a cold glass and join me in thanking Dad on how - even in death - he has taken care of his family.

I love you all,

 Beed

~ ~ ~

Beed and I had a good visit by phone tonight.  One of the things we talked about was that if dad had lived, how would our lives be different?  We agreed that all four of us would be entirely different people.  Dad's presence in our lives beyond 19, 16, 12 and 8 would have altered our perception of life.   Would have given us a completely different reality, which would have affected all of our lives at a core level, leading us to be substantially different than we are.  I am sure, because we are still the same people, that we would be similar, but I think that if you could take a peek at who we would all be if his influence had been extended another 20 years, you would see a completely different group of people with almost unrecognizable lives.

 

That being said, I know the Lord had a hand in this. Dad's heart test that came back from the cardiologist's office the week after the funeral made me believe that, though his death was an accident, it was under the watchful eye of a wise, benevolent and loving Heavenly Father, who knew His son and understood that Carmon would much rather be taken out of this life quickly, in the great outdoors, on a hunting trip, driving a Chevy truck, wearing blue jeans, boots and an old flannel shirt than lying in a hospital bed, hooked up to monitors, IV's and oxygen, having to be dependent on others to care for the basic necessities, while he waited for the Lord to decide that he had endured enough cardio-pulmonary issues.

 

If you look at Dad's life as a whole, from the little boy who went to school barefoot, while the shrubs by the bus stop guarded his shoes, to the 19 year old in the Air Force who shot a cobra with a shotgun while bird hunting in Africa, to the 20 something year old man who would hunt pigeons with his flipper, to the 30 something year old man who raised all sorts of animals in a suburban neighborhood in Las Vegas, to the 40 year old man who worked as an account executive for a major exposition company in blue jeans, t-shirts and western boots; it seems quite obvious to me that Heavenly Father and Dad were on the same page and Dad had progressed enough in his earthly trials to receive a gift from God. That gift was the gift of being taken from this life exactly the same way that he lived this life...on his own terms

 

With love,

 Sess

 ~ ~ ~

 

I have been struggling with this anniversary as well, for some reason. I appreciate how you have reminded us that, even though Dad has been gone for many years, his lessons in life have continued to shape who we are today.

 

I am also very proud of my siblings and the men that you all have become. Not only in your professional successes, but in how you love your families. I am proud to call you my brothers.

 

And I am grateful to our mother, who allowed us to be who we are. She exhibited strength when we needed it the most, and I admire who she has become, as well.

 

Tunk and I are going to visit Dad's grave site tomorrow, and I will be thinking of you all.

 

I will also raise a toast, with you in spirit, to our Dad.

 

Love you very much, T

Dear Mom,

It was a great day. Spending the afternoon with my younger, but oh-so-wise, brother helped to heal my heart. And toasting our dad, with all of my brothers, vía conference call was priceless. It makes me smile to know that you were toasting with us from the Mogollon Rim

I'm okay with you sharing my tribute on your blog....I have loved reading your blog, and all of the memories you have shared.

 

Blog away.

Vaya con dios,

Tee

~ ~ ~ 

[Tunk's tribute doesn't come from one email, but from several conversations he and I have had in the past few weeks leading up to this anniversary.]  I used to feel like I'd been cheated because Dad died when I had just barely turned 8.  For years I carried that in my heart.  Just recently, I've begun looking at that differently.  My brother, Sess, said that, if Dad had lived, " Tunk would have been a much different man.  Having been without a father since he was barely eight has helped make him the strong, independent person that he is."  My brother is right.  But it goes much deeper than that.  Because of my father and my mother, I learned some very important life lessons by the time I was eight; lessons many children never learn. 

 

First, I learned that it is the father's role to provide financially for his family.  The mother can then be fully available to nurture and care for the children so that they aren't being raised by KinderCare.  I also learned that it is the father's role to protect his wife and his children.  I remember many times if one of us was getting sassy to Mom, Dad would step in and remind us who she was.  For example, one night, he told us that if we didn't think we had to respect her as our mother, we'd better respect her as his wife or we'd have to answer to him. 

 

Dad taught me how to work and how to be responsible for my actions.  Once, when I was 5, I wrote on the porch post in front of the house with black marker.  Dad saw it and called me outside and asked me if I knew who had written on the post.  I lied to him.  He stayed calm as he pointed out the backwards letters and the words straggling down the post in a kindergarten hand.  He taught me that choices have consequences.  For writing on the porch, I had to scrub the letters off the post.  For lying to him, I got a spanking.  He made it very clear which wrong choice was the most serious.

 

I learned that parents should parent consciously.  Dad taught us work and responsibility, but he also played with us.  He took us fishing and camping.  He'd come home early when they drained the canal and we'd all go hunting for crawdads with Dad.  When I was about 3, he used to go to Winchell's for coffee every morning.  He'd take me with him and I'd always get a donut.  One day, he didn't have to go to work, so we didn't go to Winchell's.  After what seemed like an eternity, I finally said, "Dad do you need some coffee? 'cause I sure could use a donut!"

 

I only had my dad for a few short years, but in those years, he taught me what I needed to know -  how to work; support my family; be honest; recognize that choices have consequences; consciously parent my children; love my wife, enjoy my family, have fun. 

 

Thanks, Dad.

Tunk

 

Go to the ant, thou sluggard; consider her ways, and be wise:

Which having no guide, overseer, or ruler,

Provideth her meat in the summer, and gathereth her food in the harvest. (Proverbs 6: 6-8)

 

This was our scripture for our morning family devotional today.  I told my kids that this scripture reminds me of my dad. ~ Tunk

 

Picture of sunlight through trees from www.freebigpictures.com

Picture of Sunday Afternoon at the Park from a family photo taken by Sess

Picture of Thomas Kinkade's stream with light from www.allmoviepics.com

Picture of Thomas Kinkade's "Petals of Hope" from www.paintinghere.com