The Family ~ Harvesting the Experience

My good friend and colleague, bpp, taught me a concept many years ago.  She called it "harvesting the experience."  No experience in life is without value if you can take away from it greater strength and wisdom.

How can we teach our children - and ourselves - how to harvest the experience?  I'd like to share a model with you, one developed by H. Stephen Glenn in his Developing Capable Young People series.  He called it the EIAG model of problem-solving.

• E =Experience.  Describe what actually happened.
• I = Investigate. What were you thinking? Feeling? Doing? What were the consequences?
• A = Analyze.  Could you have made a different choice?  When?  How?
• G = Generalize. What did you learn from the experience?  What will you do differently in the future?  Are there some things you wouldn't change? Why?

Most parents will not teach their children the $25 college words (although they could, I suppose), but they can use the concepts to direct their discussion with their child.  If appropriate, the parent (or older child) could take notes.  Adolescents could learn the model with the $25 college words.  One important note: this interview will be more effective and a positive experience if the parent stays calm, non-judgmental, and supportive throughout.  Draw the responses from the child.  You can guide the discussion, but don't ramrod it down the child's throat.  If this is done in hostility, it will come across about as encouraging as the Spanish Inquisition, which is hurtful to everyone involved and seriously non-productive!

Here are some possible questions you might ask:

• EXPERIENCE:
• Tell me what happened (listen; don't interrupt; ask clarifying questions if necessary.
• INVESTIGATE:
• What were you feeling when this was happening?
• What were you thinking when this was happening?
• Can you tell me what you chose to do?
• What happened after you made that choice? What were the consequences?
• ANALYZE:
• Were there times during this problem when you could have chosen to do something different? 
• Tell me about those times.
• Why would those have me good times to stop and do something else?
• GENERALIZE:
• Knowing all of this, what do you think you will do differently in the future if you have a similar choice to make?

I used this model in my counseling practice with children.  With older children (age 10 and up), I sometimes had them write their answers rather than talk.  It depended on the child and the situation.  You know your children better than anyone else does.  The decision is yours.

For more about Developing Capable Young People, visit Capabilities, In. @ http://www.capabilitiesinc.com/course-material.html; or Empowering People @ http://store.empoweringpeople.com/developing-capable-people.html.  For parents I recommend Dr. Glenn's book Raising Self-Reliant Children in a Self-Indulgent World.

Text © 2012 Gebara Education

 

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