Yesterday, I introduced you to developmental psychologist, Erik Erikson. His "Eight Ages of Man" [1] describe how our individual egos, our sense of selfness, develop throughout our lifetimes. We talked about the first four developmental tasks, those of trust, autonomy, initiative, and industry. Today, we'll discuss the final four.
5. Identity vs. Role Confusion (adolescence) ~ This is the developmental stage most often referred to by the word crisis. We talk about someone having an identity crisis, but in truth, we all have had or will have at some time in our lives. If are lucky, we will have it in adolescence when we "try on" our identities like a pair of new shoes until we find - or, more appropriately, create - one that fits. 
6. Intimacy vs. Isolation (young adulthood) ~ This is the time when we seek out that one person with whom we can safely lower our ego boundaries in an intimate relationship that is at once physical, emotional, intellectual, and spiritual. The problem that a lot of young adult's face is that society tends to propel them into this adult intimacy far earlier than they are ready. Until a person knows who he or she is and has a solid sense of self, he or she cannot truly become "one flesh" with another. Many young people try to force this intimacy before they are ready and lose themselves in the process. 
7. Generativity vs. Stagnation (middle adult years) ~ These are the years when we actively give back to life. These are the years we have children, build careers, keep a home, help our communities, and serve in our churches. People who don't give back at all tend to stagnate, or worse. We'll talk a lot about this task when we talk about parenting over the next few weeks.
8. Ego Integrity vs. Despair (older adult years) ~ Eventually, we all grow old - if we are lucky! As our bodies begin to slow down, we start to recognize that the future seems a lot shorter than it did a few years ago! In quiet moments, we look back on our lives with either peaceful satisfaction or regret. If our life is one of integrity - who we show the world is who we really are in our deepest heart - we can find peace and joy in the time we have left. We are leaving this world a little better than when we came into it. But if there are too many regrets, we can feel a sense of depression and despair over lost opportunities we no longer have time to change.
This week, we have talked about the core of your family: you and your relationship with God. This takes us, at least in theory, through the first five developmental tasks (although the work of growing overlaps throughout our lives in some pretty complex patterns.) We will spend next week at task six as we discuss the next relationship out from the core: a spouse.
[1] Chapter 7 of Childhood and Society
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© 2012 Gebara
Education
Picture of teenage girls from www.123rf.com
Picture of dating couple from www.married4keeps.org
Picture of family from www.strongfamilies.us
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