Covenant marriages change
both partners for the better and the resulting whole is greater than the sum
total of the two parts.
Carl Jung
said: “The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical
substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed.” You don’t live with someone for any length of
time without being changed by the relationship.Unfortunately, those changes can be negative as well as positive. The key to finding the difference, I think, can be found in a quote from the movie, As Good As It Gets. At one point in the film, Jack Nicholson says: “You make me want to be a better man.” One day early in my marriage to Richard, he said that to me. I don’t think he was quoting Jack Nicholson. He was expressing true feelings.
As you enter any relationship, ask: “When we are together, what kind of a man or woman am I? Does the other person bring out the best in me or the worst? Do I want to be a better person or am I stuck in the push/pull of what’s in it for me?” This holds true in any relationship. It is critically important in marriage.
Hopefully, you will ask this
question of yourself before you marry, but if you are already married and
asking these questions and recognizing that things are not as they should be,
go to your knees immediately. Do
whatever you have to do to make it better (remembering that you can’t change
your companion; you can only change yourself.)
Sometimes, if the relationship is really destructive, leaving the relationship may be the answer. But usually, the Lord can help you heal yourself and your marriage. Just as getting married is best handled with prayer, contemplating getting unmarried must be most assuredly handled with prayer and soul searching. Divorce may be necessary in some individual cases, but it should be the last resort to be considered, not the first.
Text © 2012 Gebara
Education
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