Love is not a feeling you fall into. It is a conscious choice. ~ krbd
Today's post is intensely personal and sacred to me. It includes two experiences that were life-altering. I have struggled with the decision to share it. I have decided to do so, praying that you will read it with your heart and not just your mind. It is a testimony of God's love for us and for the strengthening power of Jesus Christ to teach us how to love as He loves.
In his book, “The Road Less
Traveled,” Scott Peck defines love as: “The will to extend [1] one’s self for the purpose of nurturing
one's own or another’s spiritual growth.” (pg. 81) Another psychotherapist, John
Fortunato, defines love as: “transcending [2]
one’s self for the purpose of nurturing . . . another’s spiritual growth.” (Exploring the Road Less Traveled p. 62) In our journey toward real and enduring love, we can consciously start with the first. But if we grow in our loving, we will soon find ourselves doing the second without consciously planning to do so.
My journey into real love began about 35 years ago when I had an experience I will never forget. It occurred while I was walking down a canal bank near our home. Carmon and I had been having some struggles and I was having a difficult time dealing with it. I didn't know what to do, so I remembered what the Apostle James said: "If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God. . ." (See James 1: 5) So I prayed as I walked. Then, I found a place to sit and be quiet and listen. The experience was so sacred, that I don't share it, but one impact it had on me was that I knew I had to love my husband as Jesus loves him. I was shaken. I doubted my own
ability to do it. I asked God to help me deal with this new reality and He did. I went home a different person and, from that day forward, we had a different and happier marriage, one day at a time.
In the early days of my journey into the new reality of love, I loved by extending myself; by going beyond my natural ability and my natural desire. It took conscious effort. As I exercised it, my ability to love increased. I found that I began to see a child of God in many of the people in my life. I could reach out and love them even when I wasn’t experiencing those feelings we usually associate with love. In the process, I learned that love is a verb. We can behave in a loving manner toward others before we feel that tenderness. It is not so strange to say that the tenderness often comes after the active choice to love has been made.
Years later, as I began thinking about marriage to Richard as a possibility, I experienced some concern. I admired Richard and liked him a great deal. I knew I could love him by extending myself for his benefit, but I didn’t know if I could love him fully as a wife should love a husband. As is my habit, I took the matter to the Lord.
I remember the day as clearly as if
it were yesterday. We were standing in
Richard’s driveway in Queen Creek. We
had been dating for a few weeks and, as I say, we were both pretty sure
that we were moving toward marriage.
Richard was going to one of his daughters' houses for a dinner date with his three daughters. It was Valentine’s Day and he was telling me about their plans. As I stood there listening to him, I felt
firmly convinced that I should marry him.
I offered a silent prayer. I told
God what I was feeling and I told Him that I would be obedient to the promptings and would marry
Richard if it were His will. But I was concerned. I told God that Richard was a good man who
deserved to be loved and that I didn’t know if I could ever love him in that
way. (Let me clarify here that when I say love I mean agape, not eros.) What happened next was as if someone hit me in the
head with a 2x4. I could almost hear the
Lord saying, “You want to love him? OK,
here’s the love.” WHAM! The best analogy I can think of is a computer
downloading a file. The file was
Christ-like love and if filled me from the top of my head to my feet. I felt full of light, as if light and love
might shoot out the tips of my fingers. It was quite some time before I
shared that experience with Richard. In my marriage to Richard, I learned, not just to extend myself for love, but to transcend myself for love. I remember the experience when I listen to Josh Groban sing, “You Raise Me Up”:
You raise me up so I can stand on
mountains.
You raise me up to walk on stormy
seas.
I am strong when I am on your
shoulders.
You raise me up to more than I can
be.
Richard’s love raised me up, my love raised him up, and the
Savior’s love raises us all up.
This is the love we need in our marriages. "But," you might ask, as I did, "How can I do that? How can I love like that? I am frail and weak." That Jesus loves each of us is no secret to most Christians. What we sometimes miss is that Jesus can and will help us to love one another as He loves us. (see John 13:34) With His help, we can give love even when we may not feel loving. What a challenge to us all to extend ourselves - and then transcend ourselves - in the name of the Savior's love.
[1] Extend =
to spread or stretch forth; a:
to stretch out to fullest length b: to cause to move at full
stride
c: to exert (oneself) to full capacity
[2] Transcend = a: to rise
above or notably go beyond ordinary limits of;
b: to triumph over the negative or restrictive aspects of;
c: to be prior to, beyond, and above (the universe or material
existence);
d: to outstrip or outdo in some
attribute, quality, or power
Text
© 2012 Gebara
Education
Picture of children kissing from www.valentinewallpapers.org
Picture of bookcover from www.reviewcentre.com
Picture of download from www.thebrowserdownload.com
Picture of Christ with child from www.scrivenblog.blogspot.com
[1,2] Definitions from http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/
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