Family ~ The Foundation 3 ~ Marriage is a Covenant

Marriage is a covenant, not merely a contract.

Contract marriages involve a man and a woman exchanging vows and signing a legally binding agreement (the marriage license) in the presence of two witnesses.  Because there are only two individuals involved in the contract, it is a linear relationship.  In this mindset, there is too often a lot of “what’s in it for me?”  Frequently, it ends up as a tug of war that weakens, rather than strengthens the marriage.

Covenant marriages, on the other hand, involve three individuals:  The Husband, the Wife, and the Savior.  It also involves a legally binding contract where the man and the woman are concerned, but it goes beyond that.  In my mind, it isn’t linear anymore, it is a complete system.

 

If Christ is an integral part of the marriage, it creates a climate in which both husband and wife are less inclined to be selfish, judgmental, or argumentative.  To the contrary, they are more inclined to be patient, forgiving, and kind – in fact, more Christ-like in both attitude and behavior.  As a consequence, the marriage itself, as well as the marriage partners, are blessed by this arrangement.

As you can see in the diagram, the closer each marriage partner moves toward the Savior, the closer they become to one another.  The distance between them becomes less; me and mine are replaced by we and ours.  If they could continue upward toward becoming completely Christlike, they could become one – the very thing Jesus prayed for his apostles at the Last Supper.  I don’t know that anyone can reach that completely in this life, but I now know that you can come very close.

For Latter-day Saints,  the ideal covenant marriage is a temple marriage.  Unfortunately, just having the marriage performed in the temple does not automatically guarantee a covenant relationship such as I have just described. Even in a temple marriage, both partners have to work on developing Christ-like attitudes and behaviors.  You can’t be lazy or indifferent in your marital relationship and expect to have a covenant marriage.

 

Many Christians who are sincere in their testimonies of the Lord are entering into covenant marriages.  Even those who don't specifically "have the certificate," as it were, who seek daily to strengthen their marriages through centering their lives and their marriage on the Lord, Jesus Christ, can have a covenant marriage.  For example, Richard and I were not married in the temple because we had both been widowed and had a previous spouse with whom we had made those covenants.  But we truly had a covenant marriage in this context because we consciously centered our marriage in Jesus Christ.  In the four years we were together before his untimely death in 2008, not a day went by that we didn't thank our Heavenly Father for bringing us together and ask Him to bless our marriage.  He never failed to do so.

 

If we have done the work of centering our individual lives in Jesus Christ, it is a logical extension to center our marriages likewise.  Even if only one partner is Christ-centered, he or she can bring that Christ-like love and spirit into the home.  I have known many wonderful men and women who have done so.  While those marriages may not be covenant marriages in the full sense of the word, they can be blessed marriages - blessed by the Savior's love through the believing spouse.

 

Text © 2012 Gebara Education

 

Picture of wedding rings from www.tipsweb.com

Picture of couple in a tug-of-war from www.joyofdate.com 

Picture of covenant triangle from www.foundationforfreedom.net

Picture of Salt Lake Temple from www.ldschurchtemples.com

Picture of covenant marriage certificate from www.covenantmarriage.com