Communication Affirmations

If you or someone you know is working on the communications roadblocks we talked about yesterday, here are some affirmations that might help:

• Insults and put downs - These roadblocks involve making a judgment.  They make others feel less valuable as human beings and they hurt feelings.  People can be sensitive about certain issues such as race, family, personal appearance, religion - even hair color (People who know me know I don't like dumb blond jokes!)  Since I cannot always know what triggers might hurt a tender feeling, I should not use insults or put downs even as a joke. 
• Sarcasm - When a person is being sarcastic, he or she may say one thing and really mean something else.  You can usually recognize a sarcastic remark by the speaker's tone of voice and body language.  Sarcastic comments hurt feelings.  They cause misunderstanding because they are not always clear.  They almost always imply that the listener is stupid.  I will avoid sarcasm by saying clearly and kindly just what I mean. 
• Interrupting - Interrupting is rude and can make the other person angry.  When you interrupt, it is like telling the other person that what he or she is saying is not as important as what you are saying.  When others are talking, I will listen carefully to make sure that I understand.  I will not interrupt. 
• Blaming and accusing - Some people tend to blame others because they want to get the other person in trouble or because they want to avoid taking responsibility for their own choices.  Often, the person who is accusing someone else does not know all the facts.  Blaming and accusing makes people feel hurt, angry, and defensive.  It can really start arguments.  I will not blame other people, particularly when I do not know all of the facts. 
• Over-generalizing - Things are rarely always one way and never another.  Over -generalizing often implies a judgment that is not necessarily true, such as "Nobody likes so-and-so" or "Everyone who has money must be dishonest or a plutocrat."  Such comments can make others feel angry and defensive.  I will avoid using words such as everyone, nobody, always, or never.  I will also avoid putting people into categories based on one aspect of their lives like race, socioeconomic standing, or religion. 
• Lecturing and advising - When you lecture someone or give him/her advice that he or she hasn't asked for, that person can feel hurt or angry.  Unsolicited advice tends to imply that you have all the answers and that the other person isn't smart enough to solve his/her own problems.  If you have a good idea to share with someone, it helps to ask them if they want to hear some advice before offering it.  I will ask, "Can I share some of my ideas with you?" before giving advice. 

Text © 2012 Gebara Education

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