The Family ~ A Quick Primmer on Body Language

As human beings, we experience many emotions every day.  We have emotions because God has emotions and we are created in His image.  Our emotions are important on many levels.  Most germane to this series of discussions is that our emotions show - on our faces, in our bodies, but the tone of our voice when we speak.  Sometimes these emotions are bold and readily apparent to all. Other times, they are more subtle and barely noticeable unless viewed by on open and loving heart.  In the family, it is important to be emotionally honest with one another.  It is important to teach our children to be emotionally honest. (More on this one later.)  And it is important to be able to read the emotional body language of our spouse and children so that we don't inadvertently tread on tender feelings.

The feelings in this children's picture show happy, sad, mad, sleepy, sick, scared, hurt, crying, and silly.  We are going to confine our discussion to the four basic feelings: anger, sadness, fear, and happiness.  We will talk about some things to look for in the body language of others.

Anger is often unmistakable.  Some characteristics are tightened jaw; tense and frowning mouth (open or closed); clenched fist (also toes, if you could see them!); reddened face; hunched shoulders; feet apart as if ready to attack.   What can't be seen are elevated blood pressure, blood sugar, and adrenaline, along with more than 100 other physiological responses to anger.

Sometimes anger is more subtle.  Instead of clenched fists, hands are on the hips.  Jaw is tense and firm; eye contact is direct and threatening; eyebrows are usually  pointing downward in the center toward the nose due to the tightening of the brow.  All of the internal responses are occurring as well.  You may have to look more closely and listen more carefully to pick up the more subtle signs of anger.

 

Synonyms for anger include frustration, annoyance, fury, rage, irritation, resentment - even jealousy has a strong component of anger.

Sadness can occur on many levels. Acute sadness is often displayed in the whole body appearing to collapse upon itself. The eyebrows are up from the nose in the center and down toward the outside of the brow. Eyes look heavy and there may be crying. The mouth is usually turned down. The truly depressed person may completely shut down; not talking; not doing anything positive; maybe not even getting out of bed. In this picture, the face is covered, shoulders down and drooping; sitting because it hurts too much to stand. 

Like anger, sadness can be more subtle. You will see many of the same signs, but they will be more subdued and less obvious. In men, the expression of sadness may even be expressed as anger. Culturally, many men were raised not to show the twin weaknesses of fear and sadness, so they learned very quickly to cover what they believe to be signs of weakness with anger. You need to be really in tune and look carefully to differentiate.

Synonyms for sadness include sorrow, depression, despair, distressed, heart broken, cheerless, gloomy, miserable, poignant.
 

I love this picture of fear. It points out four of the most common facial expressions.  The eyes are also dilated as you will not.  In the fight/flight response, anger is the fight part: fear is the flight part.  The same 137 bodily responses one experiences with anger, one also experiences with fear.  In fact, many psychologists say that fear is the primary emotion and anger, secondary.  The purpose of the feelings, of course, is so that when one feels threatened, he/she can have the blood sugar, adrenaline, etc., to fight or to run to safety.

As with anger and sadness, fear is often more subtle.  In this picture, note the tension in the neck and the downcast eyes.  As with sadness, fear in men may  be expressed as anger.  Be a man.  Cowboy up.  Toughen up.  Big boys don't cry.  These are the messages men hear growing up.  While it is true that there are times when men - and women - must pull themselves up by the bootstraps and do what needs to be done, they must also learn to recognize when it is safe to take off the mask and share the fear or sadness they feel.

Synonyms for fear include apprehension, trepidation, alarm, dread, horror, panic, terror.

Happiness is comfortable feeling; therefore it is easy to feel, express, and share.  The trick to love in the family is to feel and support the happiness in others when you may not be feeling particularly happy yourself.  Remember Paul's advice in 1 Corinthians 13: Love is patient, love is kind, love is never jealous, love is not proud, love is not easily provoked to anger, love does not seek self before others, love rejoices in truth and in the happiness of others.  Love never fails. (Paraphrased from verses 4 - 7.)

Text © 2012 Gebara Education

Picture of faces from www.keywordpictures.com

Picture of angry man from www.123rf.com

Picture of angry woman from www.chacha.com

Picture of sad woman from www.changingpeople.co.uk

Picture of sad girl from www.buzzle.com

Picture of fearful man from www.hearthspot-angela.blogspot.com

Picture of fearful woman from www.kevinhogan.com

Picture of happy couple from www.health.com